Caution schmaution

To say I am a cautious person would be an understatement.  I would venture to say that there isn't much that I do that isn't meticulously thought about before I actually do it.  Big or small, every decision is basically brought in front of a "board" and all decisions are weighed out.............and by  "board" I mean me.

As well as being extremely cautious I also shy away from what one would call long term commitment.  Yes I know that I just got married and I definitely hemmed and hawed about that.  (In a good way sweetie).  Don't believe me? The proof is in the pudding or in this case, below.

• Summer of 1982- I was 1 years old and it was right around the time that everyone started to walk.  Me???  Naw......I thought why walk when you could crawl.  So crawl is what I did.  I refused to walk till I was 16 months. I guess my cousin who is 3 months younger than me took something of mine and that made me mad.  So I got up, walked over to her and said "No". I wish I could say I remembered this time in my life but this is "hear say" from my mom.   My mom says that I was an extremely cautious child.  I was afraid of getting hurt. Didn't like to rough house.  Didn't like to get dirty. Didn't want to make that type of commitment.  Etc.  But I guess the moral of the story is that once pushed I would do what needed to be done.

• 1990-  I was in gymnastics all throughout my childhood.  I was great minus that whole having to do things without a spotter.  All someone had to do was put one finger on my back and I could back flip with the best of them.  No finger.......I physically was unable to tumble.  Talk about having a severe case of a "security blanket".  Moral- I am chicken shit but probably avoided a lot of bumps to my head/slips/falls. 

• Summer of 1993- I was 13 years old and it was right about the time everyone started shaving their legs.  Well my parents said you know once you start you are going to have to shave your legs forever.  Well I did what any logical teenager would do......I bought a shaver, shaving cream and shaved a 3x5 area on my lower leg.  I tended to it for a year all the while I tried to decided if I should embark on this type of commitment.  I am not even exaggerating one bit here......I did this for a year.  My dad teased me relentlessly and finally after the year I decided that I should shave .......wait for it.........both legs. Moral of the story- I guess I really perfected on the proper way to shave my "leg" before I had to shave both legs.  I probably avoided a lot of cuts and razor burn.......naw I am just crazy! 
 

• 1996-1999- I was on the cheer team and I was terrified of getting hurt.  I think it really stemmed from one specific incidence where I fell from my stunt and got the air knocked out of me.  I thought I was going to die.  Not being able to breathe was the longest 20 seconds of my life. So after that I could do a stunt in our cafeteria because the ceiling was within reach just in case I would ever need it. I never once touched it while in practice but get me out at the football field or competition and I was always afraid that I was going to be dropped.   So instead of holding all my moves I would crumble safely into my partners arms.  Cautious reigned once again.
 

• Winter of 2006-  The short story - Shotzie (the cat) landed on my doorstep.  My life was complete without a cat but she was so cute.  I knew that cats had a long life span and I researched it and found that the average cat lives till there 16+.  Where would I be in 16 years and would I want a cat?  I struggled with this and even put her back outside.  But the next day she came back and did I mention how cute she was (keyword......was)??  So I pushed my reservations aside and became her mother.....for better or worse......for many years to come.
 

• June 2008-December 2009-- The dreaded PA school.  It took me a whole 18 months to finally admit to myself that I was in it to win it whether I liked it or not.  I thought of a million of different reasons why I should quit. The good news is that I am strong and was able to tell my inner self to zip it.

This cautious/bizarre/methodological/ behavior has gotten me quite far in some aspects of my life but has inhibited other areas.  I think all of this "caution" is keeping me from really getting a job.  I guess I don't want to fall, get hurt, be committed to a job that I may not like.  What about if I take a job then another better job comes along?  I couldn't possibly leave or what about if they don't like me......gasp.  And this is where that whole commitment thing rears its ugly head.  If I get a job I will be doing this daily......for months........for years. What about if the patients don't like me?  What about if I make a mistake? What about if I miss something? The consequences could be worse than learning to walk.  Worse than the removal of the spotter at gymnastics.....Worse than the removal of the ceiling at cheer leading.  I think this is what we call the ultimate removal of the "security blanket."  This is real life folks.