My Grams fell and broke her hip on Tuesday night. As soon as I heard about it all I could think about were the statistics of an elderly person recovering from this type of injury. It isn’t the best prognosis and Grams has been slowing down as it is. I had the chance to sit with her before surgery and she seemed in pretty good spirits. It is so hard to see the one you love in so much pain and scared of what lies ahead. As she was wheeled in to surgery she said, “don’t forget Marquis I am a tough ole bird.”
So she made it through a total hip replacement but apparently when she was under anesthesia they aroused a mean version of my Grams. She was cussing at everyone and thought her “hip replacement” was a conspiracy. It was almost funny because we wrote it off as the anesthesia and the next day my sweet Grams was back. She was better than the first day but still in a lot of pain.
The third day was the worst day by far; she was completely off her rocker. She told us to get the hell out of her room and that we were all stoned. She begged me to come back and pick her up at midnight. When asked how we would pick her up she said “you have a strong boyfriend.” How will you go to the bathroom? “I will cut a hole in the wheelchair; I just want to go home.” Some parts were humorous; like when she said a tongue looked like a penis (ha ha ha it has to have been a good 15 years since she has seen one of those) but the fact that the she truly believed that we were in cahoots was sad. Like I said she had an answer for everything. Why do you have stitches if you didn’t have surgery? “They are fake....just to make me believe that I had surgery.” How will you walk? “I don’t need to walk.” Why would we do this to you? “I don’t know Marquis…..I never thought you of all people would do this to me.”
One of my Grams biggest fear in life is being put into a nursing home. This is a great option for some but Grams loves her home and refuses to give up her independence regardless of the outcome. Her pain meds made her believe that this is what my Dad was going to do and that we all wanted her dead. It was so hard to have her repeat over and over, “Marquis I have never lied to you and you are going to regret not believing me when I am dead. I am going to die here in the hospital and they are going to take me out in a body bag.” In all of my years my Grams has never uttered a foul word to me and here she sat yelling at me and told me "just leave me here to die and don’t come back."
This whole experience is hard because somewhere along the way me and my Grams have switched "roles". She no longer can care for me and I have started caring for her. Here I am telling her that she needs to eat, telling her it will be ok, rubbing her legs, helping her get up, feeding her and just being with her and I can remember the days when she used to do all of these things for me.
It is hard when someone you love is getting near the end (whether it be tomorrow or ten years from now), you want to make sure you spend all the time you can, ask all of the questions you want to know because when they go they take all of that “knowledge” with them. There is so much more I want to know……like how she makes the most fabulous potato salad? How her whites stay so white? How she knows so much? More stories about my Grandpa? More about my great grandparents? How she always seems to be in a good mood (minus when she was possessed)? Guess there is no better time than the present!
The good news is Grams is feisty as can be and the doctors say that is great (don’t know if the family will agree). The not so good news is that she has a leaky valve and she needs to have another bypass; most elderly do not make it through this type of surgery. Not having the surgery is going to contribute to her progression of CHF. She has a lot of uphill battles but as long as she is able to live in her own home and can continue to have most of her independence she will thrive. She is supposed to be released tomorrow but she is adamant about going home and the doctors insist she goes to rehab. Hopefully she will continue to have a positive attitude, have a fast recovery and can get home.
What I have learned this week: Getting old is the pits and being the "old" persons support group is equally the pits. I love my Grams to pieces and I have decided that I owe it to her to support her no matter what; yelling, meanness, threats, crying and through all of the ups and downs aside. Lord only knows she was there for me through all of that!
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