Lets try this again

Lets try this again

It is hard to pick up when I have been gone for so long. Do I talk about the last year or just start with the present? What is going to happen when I look back and see that 2014 wasn't really accounted for? It's ironic that 2014 was just that, not really accounted for.   I just  showed up daily and honestly some days I didn't really show up.  Not really living life, just going through the motions.  It took a toll on me. I lost sight of the important things in life.   I vow to make this year different.  To slow down, be present and enjoy life. We only get one opportunity to live and the game goes on even if  I am just a spectator. I want to be less angry, less stressed, drink more coffee in a real mug, watch more sunsets and just be. I want to take a u turn and leave behind the broken me and  find the the path of self discovery, self loving and holistic healing.  I want more yoga, more laughter, more vegetables and more time to just be me.

What I know for sure

This is a very bold statement coming from self proclaimed indecisive queen. There are a lot of gray areas in my way of thinking but when "I know" something I know for sure. For example, I know for sure that I love Andrew with all my being. When I first met him I knew that. I can''t pick out an apple at a store without looking at ALL of them or plan a vacation or make most decisions in life.  With that being said  when I know I know.  Unfortunately that makes up about 5 percent of my life.  More on this later.

Year 4

This year was Andrews turn to plan our anniversary trip. We had so many limits on what we could do. My work schedule didn't allow for time off, we couldn't find a place where we wanted to go. We spent hours upon hours researching and decided to forgo and redo the floors in our house. Especially since every place that we were semi interested in was booked.   Who knew you actually had to plan a vacation ahead of time?  Andrew had a business conference in Arizona a couple of weeks ago.  We decided to make Sedona our anniversary trip. #hegotoffeasy.   Better late than never right?  I can't even begin to explain how much this trip was needed. I think it should be mandatory for everyone to go on a trip with their spouse. This was our first time away, just the two of us, since our surprise anniversary trip of 2011. It felt so good to reconnect, to explore, to laugh, to have each others undivided attention with no stress.  There were no patients, no to do lists, or last minute "oh I have to work."  It was heavenly.  We try to go on dates probably more often then most but there is something to be said about going away.  Removing ourselves from all the mundaness of our daily life, to waking up every morning together with no schedule, to long car rides, to new adventure, to just being present in all the glory of a beautiful Arizona winter day. I came home renewed, energized, refreshed. I came home absolutely adoring the man I married four years ago. I long for more vacations, for more moments, for more eye opening experiences "that this is what life is really about". I may have argued prior to going that I didn't have the time to go away, that traveling was to much work, that there were so many house  projects that needed to be finished. I am grateful that I had the experience and equally blessed that we have the means to do it. I have found out over the years that being goal driven is one of my greatest strengths and equally a burden. Sometimes I get so caught up in accomplishing my goal I forget to live. 


Irresponsible

I don't know when I became so irresponsible. I think Andrew may have rubbed off on me. A couple of weeks ago we went to Key West for the night. We had a great time exploring the island and visiting all of our favorite spots. We took the catamaran down and they gave us the return tickets with a reminder not to lose them. I gave them to Andrew and said don't lose these. He in turn put them in my purse where they either fell out or I threw them away. whomp whomp whomp. They charged us 25 dollars a ticket to reprint x 4. We will just chalk that up as another not so free life lesson. Example #2 I really didn't want to leave Arizona. It was so beautiful and I was having so much fun. I kept thinking about changing my flight but thought I better be responsible. I personally like to high knee it thru the airport with the song "run run Rudolph" playing in my head (name that movie). That translates getting to the airport right before the flight and barely making it through security before they close the gate. Andrew is totally the opposite.  He likes to eat breakfast there, lunch and maybe even a early dinner and then get on the flight.  I might be exaggerating a little barely bit.  Leaving Arizona I thought I should be more responsible and give myself a little bit more time. Maybe instead of running to the gate a quick stride. When I got in the car I thought to myself I should make sure I have all my belonging.  I got to the bottom of my purse and there was no ID. I looked through my wallet, coat pockets and pants and no ID was to be found.   Funny how that works out. I didn't know how to take my missing ID "Careful what you wish for" vs "God works in mysterious ways" vs "how could I be so irresponsible". I used my purse as a backpack when hiking and it must have fallen out. The moral of both stories is I need a purse with pockets. Luckily they let me on with a pat down.

Little kids crack me up. 
My little 5 year old cousin said to me as Andrew was walking to bathroom "where is your dad going?" That made my day. Especially because my four year old cousin the night before insisted my name was Andrew. "Andrew come play barbies with me. Andrew want to see my toys". Sweetie my name is Marquis. "Andrew look at this". The real Andrew got up to look and Charlotte and said " no I want Andrew." Kids have a hard time with my name. Our friends daughters calls us Mark and Key.  Cracks me right up