What people say

My experiences thus far have been unforgettable. I figured I should jot some down so I never forget

92 year old living at an assisted living facility comes in for her 6 month check up. I ask her if I can listen to her heart and she says yes. I lift up her shirt and I am a little taken back by what I see. I asked her what it was and she nonchalantly says, "oh that is my prosthetic breast. It is really old and I have to get another one." this one was so mangled that it could hardly be called a "breast". We asked if she could leave this one off till she got another one and she said, "no, I don't want everyone to stare at me." Oh to be 92 and still be vain.

78 year old man complaining of rash in his anal area. His wife steps out of the room, we tell him to drop his drawers and his "rash" his obviously genital warts. So we explain to him that it is genital warts that can lead to cancer if left untreated. His wife comes back in and he tells her what he has and that it was because he was immune compromised. As we were all leaving the room she pulls me aside and says, "that mother fing piece of shit has been cheating on me for the last 30 years. I want you to know that he got it through sex."

82 year old female.....what brings you in today maam? "I am here to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases so me and my boyfriend can have sex." (she had the biggest perm a grin I have ever seen). So we chatted and she tells me that she was married and her husband never allowed them to have a computer so when he died she went out and got one. She has been working the dating websites. When the dr came in she said well what happened to the last one you were going to have sex with? Oh that one............. he got arrested.

71 year old female presents for her annual exam. When asked about her husband she proceeds to say she can't wait till the bastard croaks. When I giggled she said seriously he is an ass and has made my life miserable. Well, have you ever thought about leaving him. She answers, "everyday, I am just waiting to win the lottery."

94 year old women comes to see us because she is refusing to wear her compression stockings. We asked her why and she said, "well because I don't want too". Well it will help reduce the edema and pain that you feel. She says, "I don't care about that". I said, "well I wear them to help my legs from being swollen". She quickly responds, "well I don't want my husband to forget what my legs looks like. He just died a couple of months ago and if I change my legs he won't remember what they look like when I meet back up with him." Ok lady you win!! I about started crying right then and there.

98 year old man complaining of shortness of breath and a decrease in his normal daily functions. This man walked with a walker and as he sat down his inspector gadget skills came out and he folded his walker down in about 2 seconds. He started rattling off all 20 meds that he took with the doses off the top of his head. He is the most sharp man I have ever had the experience to meet. He is a former general surgeon and he hasn't lost a speck of his energy. In fact, I was contemplating asking if he would take out my appendix.....just for fun! When we were done with him he jumped out of the chair and with a giddy up in his step he was on his way. If only I could be that sharp at 28.

I had the chance to watch an exchange between two 90 year old women and it went something like this. Hi Mildred. Oh hi Helga. Helga leaves, Mildred sits down. Mildred says to me, "that women is the meanest hag on the block. She never says hi to me unless I say hi first. She is always complaining. She is just plain evil." I say, "Well you know Mildred she is legally blind she probably doesn't see you." "Oh she sees me alright....she is just a pure bitch."

Oh these people just crack me up.